I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
