I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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