I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
