He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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