Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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