its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
