just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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