Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
if only i could text you this smell
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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