thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
