The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
