i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
