Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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