Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
