im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
