I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
