I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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