I want to walk on stilts...naked
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
