definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
