i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
