so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
