i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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