someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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