So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
