just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
