I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
