woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
