Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
