I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
