I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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