we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
