Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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