It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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