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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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