This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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