two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
im holly from the hills drunk
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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