12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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