You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
