Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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