Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
