Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
