Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
