He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
