this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
