i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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