Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
