Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
A+ Viking dick
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
