just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
