I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
