its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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