Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she smelled like a LAN party
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
