I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
