OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
