he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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